Apple “Get a Mac” ad: Sad Song Long

From: Jerry Jones To: Jimmy Johnson

Dear Jimmy:

I’m hopeful this correspondence finds you well. Sadly, I must report things aren’t going too well for me. As you are aware, my team, the Dallas Cowboys, lost their third game of the season Sunday against a very average St. Louis Rams team.

My team didn’t just lose, they got embarrassed, bitch-slapped, punked, thumped and otherwise got their asses handed to them.

What’s really troubling Jimmy is the fact my team is loaded with talent. On paper, my team is perhaps the most talented in the NFL but over the past month, they’ve played like a bunch of overpaid, uninspired prima donnas.

Instead of my team showing improvement since they lost to the Redskins a month ago, we’ve digressed over the past two weeks in losses to the Arizona Cardinals and Rams. Our only win has come against the hapless and winless Cincinnati Bengals, and we struggled to get that victory.

I realize I brought a lot of my team’s woes upon myself Jimmy. I never scoured the waiver wire and acquired a backup quarterback for Tony Romo, who as we all know was an injury away from being sidelined.

Last week, that’s what happened. You may have heard that Tony has a boo-boo on his right pinkie, his throwing hand, and instead of having a reliable backup, my team had to depend on a guy that hasn’t taken a snap in an NFL regular season game in nearly two years.

Jimmy, my backup quarterback is so old, he can provide first-hand, eyewitness testimony to John Wilkes Booth’s assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

I know now that I shouldn’t have given fat contracts to guys like Flozell “False Start” Adams and Terrell Owens. Adams, a veteran of 10 NFL seasons, is a step slower and has trouble with speed rushers.

Considering every defensive end in the league is a speed rusher, I guess we’re in big trouble for the rest of the season.

Owens would be really good if we could just get him the ball, that is of course if he actually catches it when we throw to him.

I thought I took some of the heat off T.O. when last week I traded away a good chunk of the team’s future for a wide receiver from the Detroit Lions.

I realize Roy Williams has done absolutely nothing to distinguish himself in the NFL, other than being a pansy, but I’ve become a master at making stupid moves.

Yes Jimmy, I can also appreciate what people are thinking with regard to Pacman. I know I traded for a guy that has been arrested six or seven times, maybe it’s been 67 times – I lost count.

Anyway, I really believed my influence and the 12 body guards we had assigned to him would keep Adam out of trouble. Guess I was wrong about that, huh?

My team’s defense and special teams have been really bad too Jimmy. I know Wade Phillips had the reputation of being a guru at designing schemes for the 3-4 defense we employ, but he wanted to hire Brian Stewart as his defensive coordinator and I allowed it.

Stewart either doesn’t have a clue, which I’m starting to think is the truth, or the players on that side of the ball are too busy looking up Jessica Simpson’s skirt when she visits Tony in the locker room instead of learning the game plan.

It’s just so frustrating Jimmy!

I admit, I didn’t hire Wade to be a coach because we all know who the real boss is. Other than our time together and the years Parcells was guiding the team, all of my coaches have been nothing more than “yes” men who acquiesced to my every whim.

So Jimmy the real reason behind this letter is to find out if you would please come back and coach my team. I’m sorry for all those stupid things I said after you won two straight Super Bowls for the Cowboys.

I never should have said “anyone of 500 coaches could have won those Super Bowls.” I know it was dumb and I’m sorry.

Jimmy, if you come back and coach my team, I promise to keep my surgically enhanced ass in the owners box during the games. I promise I won’t make personnel moves unless you approve them first.

I promise to get out of your way and stay out of your way for as long as it takes, because I know you’re the only person that can get us back to the Super Bowl.

Jimmy I’m prepared to do anything, and I mean anything to have you return as the coach of the Dallas Cowboys, up to and including acts that would be considered unnatural by biblical standards.

So please Jimmy, please come back and coach the Cowboys because we need you now more than ever.

Your Bitch,

Jerry Jones

So What’s The Deal With That Tacklin’ SEC Ref?

The most frequently submitted tip over the last 48 hours or so is the YouTube clip of that lunatic umpire who lowered the boom on South Carolina quarterback Stephen Garcia as he tried to run for a touchdown against LSU. For a good while, I didn’t even believe it was real. It had to be one of those fake commercials for some kind of energy bar or light beer, right? Plus, even though every blog on the planet had the footage, there didn’t seem to be any mention of it in your “normal” media outlets—not even the AP game recap thought it was worth mentioning. Yet, it did happen and anyone who has seen the video has to be asking, “What the …?”

The umpire in question is Wilbur Hackett Jr. and even though every sane observer says it looked intentional when he stepped up, dropped his shoulder, and laid out the scrambling quarterback, the folks in charge (including USC coach Steve Spurrier) say it’s no big whoop.

But the SEC office believes Hackett was protecting himself and plans to take no disciplinary action on the veteran official. Rogers Redding, the conference’s coordinator of football officials, reviewed the tape of the play and thought it was inadvertent contact.

“Garcia changes his direction just a tad, which ties up the umpire just a tad and makes it look a lot worse than it really was,” SEC spokesman Charles Bloom said.

So just a harmless “inadvertent” collision, right? Until you learn that Hackett just so happens to be a former Parade High School All-American and a three-year starter at linebacker for Kentucky in the late ’60s. So unless Hackett had some sort of acid flashback to his playing days (or the patrons of a rogue BW-3 franchise called in a hit on Gracia so they could keep eating mini-corn dogs), I still say something fishy is going here. Maybe Garcia said something foul about Zinedene Zidane’s sister?

“How did the Doctor Appointment go?”

Do you remember the old TV show M.A.S.H?

The doctor’s appointment today could have gone better. My LDL cholesterol level is at 250, and it should be no more than 70.  I have a nuclear stress test scheduled soon, and based on that test, I may need more stints for my heart. Sort of not a ringing endorsement for good health huh? You will forgive me for taking the rest of the day off won’t you? Enjoy the music. I’m going to drink some beers, and try not to think so much about it.

 

Brilliant explanation of the US tax system

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.  If they paid their bill the same way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
 
  The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
  The fifth would pay $1.
  The sixth would pay $3.
  The seventh would pay $7.
  The eighth would pay $12.
  The ninth would pay $18.
  The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
 

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. ‘Since you are all such good customers, he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
 
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying custom ers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
 
And so:
 
  The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
  The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
  The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
  The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
  The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
  The tenth now paid $ 49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
 

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
 
  ‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,’ but he got $10!’
 
  ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!’
 
  ‘That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!’
 
  ‘Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!’
 
   The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
 

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
 
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 
  David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
  Professor of Economics, University of Georgia
 

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Barack Obama puts his audience in hypnotic trance

 

By: D. H. Williams @ 11:57 AM – EST

Attending a Barak Obama rally has been described by some as a transcendental experience, like seeing the Beatles live for the first time. Obama’s speeches are mesmerizing thousands who leave with a deep crush on who they call a “transformational figure” and “greatest leader of a generation.” How does Barack Obama inspire such a cult like following?

Barack Obama is using the hypnosis techniques of Dr. Milton Erickson M. D. an American psychiatrist specializing in medical hypnosis and family therapy. Dr. Erickson developed the use of therapeutic metaphor and story. The power of body language and neuro linguistic programming.

While working with patients Erickson found he could hide therapeutic hypnosis within a seemingly normal conversation, thus avoiding the patients conscious resistance.

Erickson believed that the unconscious mind was always listening, and a suggestion could be made which would have a hypnotic influence whether in a trance state or not as long as it had some resonance at the subconscious level.

This discovery spawned an entire industry known as “covert hypnosis” and “conversational hypnosis.”

Trance states are so common and familiar to people that they do not consciously recognize them as hypnotic phenomena. Most people slip into trance state when doing everyday activities like waiting on a bus, listening to music, during an exercise routine and when watching television.

Through the use of conversational hypnosis pioneered by Dr. Erickson, Barack Obama is able to elicit powerful emotional responses from his audience which he then anchors to him. His followers do have genuine feelings for him because they come from deep inside themselves.

An examination of Obama’s speeches reveal the extensive and detailed use of conversational & convert hypnosis.

Barack begins by using the hypnotic technique of “Pacing & Lead.”

Pacing is simply making a statement about the patient or in Obama’s case audience that is absolutely true about their current experience describing what they see, hear or believe. Once pacing is established with the audience a lead or suggestion can be implanted. The suggestion can be obvious or hidden.

Here is how Obama does it.  During the Denver National Convention speech Obama paced with the phrases, “that’s why I stand here tonight”, “now is the time” and “this moment.” He used these statements 14 times in this one speech. Remember pacing statements are absolutely undeniable factual statements to the audience that cannot be refuted preparing the conscious and subconscious mind for the “lead” or hypnotic command.

Obama uses “I stand here tonight” at the beginning, middle and end of speech.

1.)That’s why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment
when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women – students and soldiers, farmers and
teachers, nurses and janitors — found the courage to keep it alive.
2.)  The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that
fundamental promise that has made this country great – a promise that is the only reason I am
standing here tonight.
3.) But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring.  What the naysayers
don’t understand is that this election has never been about me.  It’s been about you.

Obama uses“Now is the time” six times

1.)  Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a
long-term solution.  Not even close.
2.)  Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education,
because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy.
3.)  Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single
American.
4.)  Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in
America should have to choose between keeping their jobs and caring for a sick child or ailing
parent.
5.)  Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO
bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.
6.)  And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day’s work, because I want my
daughters to have exactly the same opportunities as your sons.

Obama uses “this moment” five times

1.)   We meet at one of those defining moments – a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in
turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.
2.)  This moment – this election – is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive.
3.)  You have shown what history teaches us – that at defining moments like this one, the change we
need doesn’t come from Washington.
4.)  America, this is one of those moments.
5.)  At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future

In any given Barack Obama speech you can find Dr. Erickson’s entire manual on hypnotic therapy being used. Obama is a trained and well practiced user of the following techniques: trance induction, hypnotic anchoring, pacing and leading, pacing distraction and utilization, critical factor bypass, stacking language patterns, preprogrammed response adaptiation, linking statements/causality bridges, secondary hidden meanings/imbedded suggestions, emotion transfer, and non-dominant hemisphere programming.

This post is only a brief examination of the Erickson hypnotic methods employed by Barack Obama and his campaign to deceive the American public. His speeches are jammed packed with all the tools of the professional hypnotist. If you would like to read a detailed examination there is a 67 page sourced and footnoted PDF document here.

Please also see this.

Thanks to the good folks at http://www.dailynewscaster.com/ for letting me post some of their items.

Superheroes In Just Ordinary Life

Hooooray! It’s see the doctor Tuesday!

Today is “see the doctor Tuesday.”

For those of you who don’t know, I recently had some health issues, and it’s time to get back to seeing the doctor.

This has been a roller-coaster ride these doctor appointments. While I was recuperating from the heart attack(s), I actually got a new job. With the new job came new insurance. With new insurance came new doctors because my original doctor didn’t understand I had to work for 30 days to get the new insurance in force. So rather than my original doctor trying to understand my situation, he took it as though I didn’t want to participate in any cardiac after-care per his instructions. He actually sent me a letter saying he washed his hands of me. So much for the Hippocratic Oath eh? I have a new doctor I am seeing today, and I’m pretty sure things will be just fine again. I am still a non-smoker, but I need to work on the diet for sure. I feel pretty good, and just need to get some more Plavix (blood thinner) and take my aspirin daily and exercise.

Things are getting back to normal for me, and I love my new job. I am very fortunate and blessed that things are going well. An overall feeling of appreciation is next to me every day. And I saw this today on another website. Take a look and maybe put some things in perspective eh?

McCain left on bus!

It’s time to vote!

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